


Kuu (moon)

by Zofiia



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Coming Out, Historical References, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ+ headcanons, M/M, aphbalticweek2020, non canon stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:02:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26051575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zofiia/pseuds/Zofiia
Summary: Estonia has been very anxious as of late. You see, he's not exactly gifted at romance, and he's never really been sure how to navigate it. And now that he has won his independence from Imperial Russia, he is finally free to explore this new section of life completely uninhibited. And when he finds himself falling in love with the Finnish Maiden herself, he decides that he's willing to figure it out for her. But times change, and people change too, and Estonia was left completely unaware of how much Finland had changed too.
Relationships: Estonia/Finland (Hetalia)
Kudos: 5





	Kuu (moon)

alguses ma tulen õige aralt   
nii kohmetu on käsi nooruke  
_At first I come rather shy_  
_A young hand is so uneasy…_

This was so strange to him. When was the last time that he had felt this way? Was it that farm girl from the south, or was it that lovely poet from Tartu? Try as he might, Estonia couldn’t quite recall. Both of them had been so long ago - he had met both the farmer and the poet somewhere in the 1700s, though he was not certain about the exact date - and he had been so busy trying to survive that the past few centuries hadn’t exactly been thrilling in terms of romance. He’d opted to focus on other things, like the safety of his people. His people were his priority; If they were safe, he would be as well. It made sense to focus on caring for them rather than chasing every fleeting feeling that came his way. Estonia was much, much too cautious for that, anyhow. Even if he had pursued something at some point, it wouldn’t have worked out, and he accepted that.

But now, everything had changed. He was a free man for the first time in his long, arduous life. For the first time since he drew breath, he answered to no other nation. Of course, he still had governmental officials to answer to, but compared to the Tzars of Imperial Russia, they were angels. 

kui silmad mind, löön pilgu kiirelt maha   
ning jätkan oma tavapärast teed  
_When you see me, I turn my eyes away,_  
_And continue my usual way._

  
If he were being honest with himself, he would rationally think that it had been like this for a long time, he simply had no time or outlet to express it. For the past hundred or so years, he and Finland had hardly been able to see one another. They may as well have been reduced to penpals in that timespan. He didn’t even remember the last time he had seen her... But regardless of that, he might tell himself that he had noticed how pretty she was ages ago, or he might think that he had been swayed by her bravery and ferocity just days after he met her. The more he dwelled on it, the surer he was that it was the truth. 

Finland had always been important to him. She had always been more than a close friend, but Estonia often told himself that it was simply due to their ability to understand one another from the earliest times in their lives. She’d always been there, and he had always been there too. It wasn’t complicated, he was just making it so.

But how would he put that into words? How would he tell Finland that?

möödub minust päevi üks-kaks-kolm   
Ma loodan, et saan lõpuks sinust kinni  
siin üksi olles poeb mu põue külm   
_Kuulook around, days go by, one-two-three,_  
_I hope I can get hold of you,_  
_I’m cold here alone._  
_Moon_

  
This was a very exciting day. It was now 1930. He had been waiting for this day for ages. When Estonia first got wind that his government would be forming formal military relations with the Finnish army, he was beyond thrilled. He was so excited to see his beloved friend after so many years of separation. It took all of his restraint to hide this excitement. Try as he might, though, he couldn’t hide all of his ticks and tells, and multiple officers asked if there was someone he was hoping to see. He smiled at them, nodded, and said nothing. 

Time seemed to slow to a crawl. Estonia became impatient, glancing at the clock often, quickly stealing a peek at his watch, and every once in a while, looking back and forth between the people to his left and right.

But, finally, at 9:00 AM precisely, representatives of the Finnish military walked through the door. Estonia did his best to look for Finland in a surreptitious manner, hoping that he didn’t look overexcited. And then he spotted her. 

She was standing near the back of the formation, dressed in a crisp, pale blue uniform. Her hair was tied back and hidden beneath a cap. Wait, no. Her hair was not tied back, it had been cut short, he noticed as she walked closer. He wondered why she’d go and do something like that. She had the loveliest golden hair he’d ever seen. It reached all the way to her waist before she cut it. Something else was different about her, but he couldn’t place what it was... 

Estonia attempted to catch Finland’s eye, but he was unsuccessful. Again and again he tried to get her attention, but to no avail. After some ten minutes, Estonia came to the conclusion that Finland was deliberately ignoring him. Estonia watched Finland and noticed just how stone-like her face was. It was as though she had tuned everything in the room out and was listening only for instructions on what to do next. Everything else was unimportant. This troubled him, but only for a moment. He pacified his restless mind by telling himself that Finland was trying to remain serious and formal. But this wouldn’t be a problem. Soon enough they would be dismissed to a brief recess, then he’d be able to talk to her. 

aega möödub nädal või ehk kaks   
vist pakun sulle aina vähem huvi   
miks muidu jääb su pilke harvemaks  
_Time passes, a week or two,_  
_I seem to interest you less and less,_  
_Why else do your eyes rarely meet mine?_

  
Hours passed before everyone present was dismissed for half an hour to stretch, smoke, and whatever else they might need to do. Estonia stood, perhaps a little hastier than necessary, hoping to catch Finland, but by the time he had reached the threshold of the meeting room, Finland had disappeared. 

Now Estonia was beginning to jump to the worst of conclusions. Why was Finland avoiding him? Had he done something wrong? Was Finland upset with him? He glanced through every door as he searched the long hallways of the building the meeting was held in, but Finland was in none of them. Estonia stopped to think. If he were Finland, and spooked, where would he go? A few places came to mind. Finland was phenomenal at disappearing without a trace, and whenever she did so, it was into nature. They were not far from the sea by any means, no more than a mile for sure. Estonia thought it likely that Finland could have just up and took off to the sea. So that was where he would go.

It didn’t take long for Estonia to reach the sea. When he reached the edge of the sand, carefully, he took off his shoes so as not to get sand in them. He stripped his socks off and stuffed them in his shoes. He rolled up the hems of his crisp uniform, knowing that he’d be scolded for it when he returned with them wrinkled and sandy. But he would worry about that later, he had more important things to deal with. 

“Finland!” He shouted every so often. As he walked, Estonia would glance from the shore to the edge of the sand opposite it. “Finland!”

He had been walking for about five minutes when he heard the shifting of tall grass to his right. He paused for a moment to watch the grass. And then he saw it, exactly what he had been hoping for. Between blades of grass, he could see two very distinct things. Near the tops of the grass, where there were fluffy bunches of tiny flowers, he could see gold peeking out. Lower down, he could see two big brown eyes staring at him through the grass.

He didn’t move. Something was very wrong here, he could feel it like thick, humid air. “Finland, why are you running from me? Did I do something wrong?”

For a moment everything was silent, save for the soft singing of swallows and doves further down the beach. But, after a short pause, Finland peeked her head above the grass and stared at Estonia the way a deer might watch a bear lumber past it. “Finland, come out and talk to me,” He said softly. “Tell me what I’ve done,”

Finland didn’t move, but she did stand. “You didn’t do anything, yet. But I’m worried that you might.” 

Estonia was not sure what she meant. “Why would I ever intentionally upset you? You are the closest thing I’ve ever had to family.”

Finland glanced away, and then she looked back at him, a very strong look on her face. “My name is not Titia anymore,” She said. “Nor am I the Finnish Maiden any longer,” Her voice shook a bit when she first began speaking, but now that had been done away with - she was no longer afraid. “My name is Timo Väinämöinen.”

All at once it clicked. He’d cut his hair short, he no longer had a chest, he wore male clothing... How had Estonia not caught on? He thought himself a rather smart man before, but now he thought he was rather oblivious to it all. Finland had changed so much, and that’s why he was avoiding Estonia; Finland hadn’t known how Estonia would react to the news, and he thought it would be better to simply avoid him? In a way, Estonia was hurt by this. He thought that after hundreds of years of friendship, Finland would know how much he cared for him. Without a second thought, Estonia set down his shoes and walked towards Finland. For only a second there was a flash of fear in the Finn’s eyes, but it was gone just as quickly as it had come. He stood his ground, waiting for whatever Estonia might do.

When Estonia finally reached him, he spoke. “That’s why you were avoiding me?” Finland simply nodded. “You were worried about what I would say, what I would do if I found out?” Finland nodded again but still said nothing. “Well,” Estonia took a deep breath and looked his friend in the eye. “You’re still the same friend I’ve had for all these years. If you say you are Timo, then it is so. If you say you are not the Finnish Maiden, then it is true. Who am I to tell you who you are? You know better than I.” The look of relief and shock on Finland’s face was nearly enough to drive Estonia to tears. “And I hope that I am still the same source of companionship and protection that I have always been to you. I truly want nothing else.” 

kas mõistad nüüd, et liigutada võin ma  
sinu jaoks nii mägesid kui merd  
kui peatume ning mulle annad käe sa  
meid kaugel ootab ilmaruumi serv...  
Kuu, kuu  
_Do you realize now, I could move_  
_Mountains and seas for you?_  
_Once we meet and you give me your hand,_  
_Far away lies the edge of the world._  
_moon, moon_


End file.
